Imagine trading your daily routine for life in a French household – helping with homework, sharing meals, and navigating cultural quirks, all while improving your French. That’s exactly what Carmela Brousseau did after graduating from Arizona State University, taking the leap to become an au pair in France.
In our conversation with Carmela, she shares her journey from the USA to the heart of French family life. From bonding with her host family to the challenges of language barriers (and even a few surprises), she gives us an inside look at the realities of being an au pair – and why it’s an adventure worth taking.
Bonus: Read more about Carmela’s adventures in Europe on her blog.
General Background
Where are you from, and what made you decide to become an au pair in France?
Originally I am from New York State in the United States, and I decided to become an au pair after graduating from Arizona State University, having studied abroad for 6 months in Lyon, France during my junior year.
I really wanted to move back to France because I fell in love with the country when I studied abroad, and becoming an au pair seemed to be the best way to do so. I had tried searching for jobs, but the job market can be tough, especially as a foreigner, and my level of French wasn’t up to par. So I figured being an au pair would allow me to improve my French as well!
What were your expectations before arriving, and how did reality compare?
One of the things I was really looking forward to was the possibility of creating a relationship with my host family and being able to immerse myself into French culture in a new way and improve my French.
I was expecting there to be a lot of cultural differences, especially since I haven’t lived with another family besides my own, and also possible language barriers since my level of French was at about B1/B2. I was also anticipating the kids to be difficult since the boy was 9 and the girl was 12, since these were ages where they might test you more.
My host family exceeded my expectations and our relationship came naturally because they were very genuine. We both wanted to learn from each other and create experiences together. I think this can change from family to family depending on if the family just wants an au pair for a full-time nanny or not.
In relation to the kids, I was expecting to have a harder time with the girl since she was nearly a teenager, but actually we got along really well and she felt like my little sister! I had problems with the boy, however, because he tested everything I said and really didn’t understand why I was there, especially since he didn’t want to learn English.
How did you find your host family? Was it through an agency, Facebook groups, or word of mouth?
I found my host family by using Aupairworld.com, since I had a few friends who had used the site before and recommended it. For me, my host family ended up being the second family I had video-called with. I had a really good conversation with them right from the start, and felt comfortable committing shortly after.
Daily Life & Responsibilities
Can you describe a typical day as an au pair in your host family?
My typical hours were 4:30 pm – 6:30 pm Monday, Tuesday, Thursday & Friday. On Wednesdays, I worked 11:50 am – 6:30 pm since the kids had a half day/no school. At 4:30 pm I would pick up the youngest at school, and if he didn’t have a sport after school, we’d typically return home, have a goûter (snack), and then work on his homework together.
Afterwards, we would play a board game, read, go to the library, or just have conversations together. With the oldest, I would have an English lesson with her for about 30 minutes twice a week, so normally after doing homework with the youngest, I would then spend time with her. Since she was 12, I didn’t need to pick her up from school and she was more independent.
On Monday and Friday, the youngest had swim lessons, so I would walk with him to the lesson, drop him off, return home, and do their laundry. Then I was typically done unless I had an English lesson with the older one.
Additionally, once a week I had a night of babysitting, when the parents would go out for dinner or go to a comedy club. This night would change from week to week, but my host parents tried to let me know at least 1-2 weeks in advance so I could plan my own social life.
What were your main responsibilities? Were they what you expected?
My main responsibilities were making sure the kids did their homework, bringing them to sports after school, making sure that they were well-behaved, and to speak as much English as possible with the oldest. The boy didn’t have a basis so I spoke French with him.
Aside from being with the kids, I did their laundry about twice a week, and would unload the dishwasher. Other than that I didn’t have other tasks. These responsibilities were what was originally discussed when I had interviewed with the family, so there weren’t any surprises!
Did your host family provide a schedule, or did your days vary?
I was very lucky because my host family was very organized and provided a clear schedule, right from the initial interview. My host mom had printed out a color-coded calendar to help me remember when the kids had certain activities, when to plan the English lessons, and when I should do my side tasks. Typically we stuck to the schedule, so it was easy for me to manage.
What was your experience with mealtime? Did you eat with the family, and did you enjoy trying French food?
I also feel like I was very lucky in terms of meals with my host family. I would eat dinner with them every night throughout the week, and on the weekends they would pick up a frozen meal for Saturday and Sunday. I also could eat anything I wanted in the pantry or fridge.
I feel lucky because I know a lot of au pairs whose families ate very little for dinner or never bought groceries, but my family was always well-stocked and had really balanced meals. There were some times that the meals were quite small, so I kept snacks in my room just in case.
French food can be very particular, and I experienced some stomach issues adjusting to the food here. But other than that I actually really like it! I definitely shocked myself by enjoying foie gras and magret de canard.
Cultural Differences & Adjustments
What was the biggest cultural adjustment for you when moving to France?
I think for me the biggest cultural adjustment was speaking French 24/7. Though my host parents wanted me to speak English with the kids as much as possible, the kids didn’t have a basis in English, so it was much easier if I just spoke with them in French.
Even though my level of French was already B1/B2, I encountered a lot of situations where I didn’t know what to say or how to express myself. This was really draining and exhausting for me, and even after 2 hours of working I would be KO and needed to recuperate. Especially since the kids could be very demanding – it all piled up!
Another adjustment for me was living with the family full-time. Since I lived where I worked, I had to always be “on”, so to speak. This was challenging at times since I would hear the family running around upstairs, hear the temper tantrums, and couldn’t have my friends over like I normally would want to.
There was no separation of work and personal life in this way. But, since I had my own space in the basement, it wasn’t all that bad and I didn’t have to worry about sharing my bathroom with the kids.
How would you compare family life in France to back home?
Family life in France, for me at least, resembled a bit of my own family life. In both, we had dinner with each other every night and the parents were involved in the kids’ performance at school and in after-school activities.
One difference for me was that the kids didn’t spend a whole lot of time hanging out with friends outside of school. Maybe like a few times a month. For me growing up, I would always spend the afternoon with my neighborhood friends after school once I got my homework done!
What was your experience with French parenting styles?
My host parents’ parenting styles balanced each other in a way. The mom was more soft and caring, the dad was more strict and sturdy. They are really involved in their kids’ lives, and made sure their grades were up to par, their homework was done, and that they were participating in 2-3 activities/sports outside of school each week.
Both parents used to be in the military, so I think this played a part in them having very high expectations and also having a very clear, organized schedule.
Were there any unexpected cultural clashes or misunderstandings?
With the youngest, we had a lot of clashes. He didn’t understand my role as an au pair (I was their first one), and often he thought I was the maid. He also would refuse to learn English from me, or accept anything I tried to teach him. This became quite a recurring theme between the two of us!
What was your relationship like with the children? How did you handle discipline and boundaries?
My relationship with both kids was very different. With the 12-year-old girl, she was open to learning English and a new culture. I felt like she was my little sister, and we bonded well.
With the 9-year-old boy, I struggled a lot with him. We had our good days and bad, but he was really difficult in the sense that he tested everything I said and would try to outsmart me or question my authority. Additionally, he refused to learn English from me, and anytime I tried to teach him he would get really upset.
I tried to warm up to the boy by taking a lot of interest in Harry Potter (he was obsessed) and any little fixation he had at the moment. For example, I would have him teach me chess and the Rubik’s cube because he loved teaching other people. When I came back from Christmas, I brought with me a Harry Potter and Lego-themed activity book in English that we could work on together! He liked the book, and it allowed us to do some more activities in English, but still eventually he realized it wasn’t as fun as in the beginning since he was still learning English.
The kids would argue with each other quite a bit, especially since their parents weren’t there and they thought they could get away with more. In the beginning, this was difficult because I didn’t know how to diffuse the situation. But, eventually, I picked up how the parents would calm them down with simple phrases, and I tried to incorporate them.
A lot of the time, it was the boy who caused the issue, but I had to play it off as it was the both of them when addressing the situation otherwise it would seem as if I was favoring the girl.
Personal Growth & Social Life
What were some of your best memories during your time as an au pair?
I think one of my favorite memories was seeing the improvement in my host sister and ability to speak English! By the time my contract ended, we read the entire first book of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and she absolutely loved it. Her English had improved so much, and even surpassed her parents! I felt really proud of her.
I also loved sharing my culture with my host family. We had a huge Thanksgiving where they invited about 15 of their friends and we made my family’s traditional recipes! They had also included me on their Easter weekend trip to the grandparent’s house in Tours, and it was really special being able to see how they celebrate. These are memories I’ll cherish forever!
Did you get a chance to take French classes? How did your language skills evolve during your time in France?
Yes! When I first arrived, my host parents had signed me up for a French class in their town of Clamart. However since it was a smaller town, there weren’t many options and so I was already in the highest-level French class, but was learning basic conjugations.
Since I wanted to attend university in French or find a job in French afterwards, I decided to enroll in a C1 level grammar class at Université Cité and a DALF C1 prep class through Sorbonne starting in January. These classes really improved my abilities and I saw a lot of really quick progress!
Originally, my goal was to receive a certificate in the DELF B2 by the time I finished my contract, but I was able to obtain the TCF C1 certificate instead! I was astonished because I never thought I’d reach a C1 level.
How did you make friends? Were you part of an au pair community or did you connect with locals?
I made a lot of my friends through the giant “Au Pairs in Paris” group chat on WhatsApp. When I joined, there were around 1,000 of us, which seemed intimidating, but it ended up being a comforting place to be. People were always suggesting museum meetups, picnics, coffee shop dates, and other activities to make new friends!
We were all in the same boat, so it was nice to have this community. Additionally, people talked about their experiences, whether they were struggling with their family or sharing a high note, and it was comforting to see others going through the same emotions.
For me, it was harder to meet locals until I ended up joining a French run club about 8/9 months in! I wanted to meet more French people my age and also be more active, so this was a great way to do so.
Did being an au pair change your view on France, family life, or your own future plans?
Absolutely. Being an au pair allowed me to appreciate how the French view life. They really value spending time with loved ones and creating special experiences. Because of this, they also value a bit of a slower lifestyle and are not always “go go go”.
Meals are very important here, and they take their time eating and never try to rush through a meal to get to the next thing. Meals are a time when they can relax, check in on one another, talk about any topic, and enjoy each other’s presence.
My future plans have changed since being an au pair because I decided to pursue my Masters here in France afterwards! Coming into being an au pair, I really didn’t know what I would do after. I figured I would move back to the States and get a job. But, I decided I wanted to try and live here and make more of a life for myself!
I also never planned on getting a Masters, but since I chose the “alternance” path, my Masters program is completely paid for by the company where I intern. I couldn’t pass up this opportunity!
Did you have the opportunity to travel? What places did you visit?
Yes! Since most of my weekends were free, I was able to travel whenever I wanted to, as long as I made it back to pick up the kids on Monday afternoon. Two weekend trips I took were to Bruges in Belgium, and Warsaw in Poland.
In addition, since the kids had two weeks of vacation 3 times during my contract, I would have one week out of the two off normally, so I traveled then as well. I had visited Nice, London, and Portugal during my vacations!
Challenges & Advice
What were the most difficult parts of being an au pair?
For me, I struggled a lot with being able to express myself in French. I spoke French with the kids about 90% of the time, and when they misbehaved, I couldn’t find the words to break them up or calm them down.
A lot of the time, the boy had taken advantage of this too, trying to twist the words I’d use or stump me in what he’d say. This really took a toll on me and made me question if this was the right decision.
But after a while, it got easier and I was able to enjoy my time more. I think having a life outside of being an au pair was a big part in reminding me why I was there, to explore more of France and learn about myself!
If you could give one piece of advice to a future au pair, what would it be?
One piece of advice I would give to a future au pair would be to have a goal for yourself with your experience as an au pair! As an au pair, you have tons of free time, and it’s important you fill up your time so you aren’t bored. Having a goal will help, whether it’s traveling, exploring your city, taking language classes, learning a new hobby, etc.
I would also say to leave your comfort zone as much as possible! It can be scary living in a new country where you don’t know anyone, but there are tons of opportunities to try new things and meet new people. This is how you will create a unique experience for yourself!
Would you do it again? Why or why not?
I’m really grateful for my experience, and I’m glad I did it because it allowed me to really improve my French and pursue a Masters degree in France afterwards. However, I think for me, one year was enough! It is a very challenging and taxing job, and I think I am ready for what’s next in life.
Having said all of that, I do recommend becoming an au pair because it’s a super unique way to live in another country, learn about other cultures, learn a new language, and ultimately learn more about yourself! It is important to appreciate all of the sides of the experience, not just the highs.
Conclusion: Should You Become an Au Pair in France?
For those considering becoming an au pair, Carmela’s story is a reminder that while the role comes with its ups and downs, it also opens the door to personal growth, language immersion, and unforgettable experiences. Whether you dream of strolling through French markets or sharing your language and culture with a new family, becoming an au pair might just be your perfect French adventure.
Looking to hire and host an au pair in France? Read my handy guide.
