First time in France? Navigating French etiquette can be a fascinating, and sometimes perplexing, experience for visitors. The French have a set of cultural norms and social customs that, while subtle, are integral to daily interactions.
This guide highlights some essential etiquette tips—from the importance of a polite “bonjour” to the nuanced choice between “tu” and “vous”—to help you interact with confidence and respect. These insights will prepare you for smoother, more enjoyable interactions and give you a deeper appreciation for the traditions that make French society unique.
Important French Etiquette Tips
1. Always Start with a Greeting
In France, every conversation begins with a greeting, no matter how brief or mundane the interaction. Whether you’re asking for directions or making a purchase, failing to greet the person can come across as rude. It’s a simple, but important, part of French etiquette that many foreigners initially overlook.
Even if you don’t speak much French, starting with “Bonjour” (Good day) or “Bonsoir” (Good evening) sets a positive tone for the interaction. It’s an acknowledgment of mutual respect. The French value being treated as equals, not as service providers, even if you’re a paying customer. The same rules apply across all interactions, from your boss to the local baker.
To really shine in polite company, you can add a more formal touch with phrases like “Excusez-moi de vous déranger” (Excuse me for bothering you) when asking for assistance.
Failing to greet someone properly before diving into your request is a common faux pas among tourists, and it’s one that can lead to less-than-friendly responses. By simply acknowledging the other person with a polite greeting, you’re showing respect for their time and presence, which goes a long way in French culture.
2. Don’t Show up on Time
When it comes to punctuality, context is everything in France. For business meetings, arriving on time is generally expected, but don’t be surprised if your French colleagues show up fashionably late. Company culture and individual preferences play a big role here, so it’s always a good idea to gauge the norms case-by-case. However, when in doubt, aim to be punctual—being early won’t hurt you in professional settings.
But for social events, the rules are different. If you’re invited to a dinner party, don’t arrive exactly on time. In fact, it’s considered polite to arrive 10-20 minutes late. Why? It gives your host a little extra breathing room to finish last-minute preparations—whether that’s setting the table or cleaning up after an unexpected toddler disaster.
The French appreciate this small buffer of time as a courtesy, allowing the host to prepare without feeling rushed. Just don’t take it too far—arriving too late can be seen as disrespectful.
3. Use “Tu or Vous”?
One of the trickiest aspects of French etiquette is knowing when to use “tu” (informal you) and when to use “vous” (formal you). This distinction reflects the nature of your relationship with the other person and can be a subtle social minefield for those unfamiliar with the culture.
In professional or formal settings, always start with “vous.” Using “tu” too soon can come across as presumptuous or overly familiar, though most people are understanding when you’re learning. Most French people will let you know when it’s time to make the switch.
A common phrase to ask is: “On peut se tutoyer?” (Can we use “tu” with each other?). In the unspoken rules, it’s generally the older person who asks the younger. But for peers, it’s better to ask after several times of meeting.
One morning my daughter overheard me talking to our dogwalker. After he left, she turned to me:
“Mom, you said ‘tu’, but you should really say ‘vous’ to him.”
“But I like Karim. He’s super nice, don’t you think?” I responded.
“Yeah, but would you have lunch with him?” she quipped.
That’s the test. I call it the “Lunch Test” proudly bestowed upon me by a 7-year-old. A “tu” gets a place at the lunch table, but “vous” stand on the other side of the invisible line. Don’t overthink it. Would you invite this person to have lunch with you? Would it be awkward? Would you split the bill like “potes”/friends?
As an American, and culturally inclusive extrovert, I often miss these subtle clues and want to “tu”-down with every best new friend I meet. But it’s not how the French see it, and I think the Lunch Test is a great litmus test.
4. Celebrating Birthdays
In France, birthdays come with a surprising twist: it’s the birthday person who brings the cake to the office or social gathering, not the other way around. This tradition flips the usual dynamic, where others are expected to shower the birthday person with treats. Parents also bring a cake or candy to school for their child’s classmates to celebrate the day.
While this can seem like added pressure on your special day, it’s simply a part of French birthday culture that fosters a sense of sharing and generosity. And hey, if you get to choose your own cake, at least you’ll be sure it’s something you love!
5. Nail the Right Goodbye
Just as greetings are essential, goodbyes are equally important in French social etiquette. When leaving a gathering, a business meeting, or even a small get-together, it’s customary to say goodbye to each person individually. Skipping this step, especially in a smaller group, can be seen as impolite.
There are multiple ways to say goodbye in French, depending on the formality of the situation:
- Adieu – A rare and final farewell, used only when you don’t expect to see the person again (literally meaning “until God”).
- Au revoir – The standard goodbye for most situations.
- À bientôt – “See you soon,” suggesting you’ll meet again.
- À toute – “See you in a little while” (same day).
- Salut – A casual goodbye, often used with friends (can also mean “hello”).
- À plus – “See you later,” very informal and familiar.
- Bye-bye – Yes, even French people use this one. A childlike or playful version of goodbye, typically used in informal settings.
As with greetings, the degree of formality in your goodbye can reflect your relationship with the person. In the workplace, you may stick to “au revoir”, while with close friends, a simple “salut” or “à plus” may suffice.
